WHO LOOKS AT THIS AND THINKS IT'S NEWS?!?!?!

• How to ring in the new year with apps
• No pardon for Billy the Kid
• Ticker: New Palin DVDs revealed
• John Mellencamp splits with wife
• Kathy Griffin: queen of dropping the ball
• Hangover remedies: what works?
• Town rings in new year with giant bug
• Bring in the new year happy and single
• Where the stars will be as 2011 dawns
• Resolution no. 1: Lose weight

I know it's, like, a holiday, but this is all on the front page, simultaneously. And it's not every ridiculous thing that's on that front page. I mean, does this fool anyone?

(Thanks to the Baronette, who is masochisticbrave enough to look at CNN regularly, for pointing this ludicrousness out to me.)

Happy New Year, everyone. Thanks especially to everyone involved in the recent wave of ridiculously nice things being said about me, to me, in comments. I almost feel bad having people say such nice things while this blog lies semi-fallow in shitty music reviews and images of CNN's front page. The new year will bring with it a return to more of the hard-hitting analysis that has made me so famous, respected, and beloved.

And now, to get smashed.